Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
