I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
