i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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