im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
