Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish i was in the wii world.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize