if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
