Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
