He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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