don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this will be a night to untag.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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