Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
