I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
