pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
