Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize