I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
