lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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