porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
