just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
