Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
