I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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