I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
worst night to have a conscience
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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