Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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