just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
