my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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