I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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