i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
