Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
