my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
