It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
