I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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