my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
