Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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