All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How naked do you want me to be?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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