Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
