Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize