I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A+ Viking dick
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
