It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
