that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
