What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
