after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
