I wish I could teleport
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
