Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
