If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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