I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
