discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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