Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
