I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
