if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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