I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i believe in u and ur pee
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
