i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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