We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
