But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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