His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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