Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
