I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
