oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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