R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
