his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
