me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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