All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize