Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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