3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
