i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
