After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
