you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
