Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize