You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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