Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
