I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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