im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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