Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
