Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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