Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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