He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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