I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize