Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
